while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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