i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
