Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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