I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
