No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
