i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
