I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
