He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
