I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
