at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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