i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
