Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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