My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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