September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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