at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
