Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
