DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
