"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
