Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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