I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
