Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
