i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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