she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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