She announced her abortion via fbk
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
