I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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