I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
