so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Green mimosas i think yes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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