my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
