wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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