i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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