I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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