it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
