i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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