he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
