i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
