highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize