come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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