Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your penis caused this!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
