addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
