was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
