Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
