True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
