God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize