Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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