i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
