had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize