And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
