You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
