This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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