does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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