Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
