Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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