I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
