Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
