I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize