i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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