this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
