My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
