dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
