Kiss
Puke
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
