Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
