i would punch a child for taco bell
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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