i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
