dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
