It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
