Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
