who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize