I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
